Traitor!

At least, that’s how I feel lately! I thought that once this semester let out,  I’d be able to post more, to update you more and write more, but alas, I see this isn’t turning out to be the case. Either way, I miss writing to my readers and reading what my readers have to say about my writing.

Today is the last day of 2011. I don’t even know what my plans are tonight, for my husband is working a 14 hour shift at time and a half, and I have a sitter  yet no idea what to do with myself. I’ve been invited to five different places now, and I’m about to just put a name in a hat and draw.

This past year has been pretty interesting. We opened our relationship this past year, and it has gone spectacularly well. Sure, there are dry spots, but in the end, we seem to make out with what we were looking for. My husband took to that next level with a good friend of his, and they screwed a week ago – he said she was super kinky in bed, into choking and hard fucking, and listening to that story got me wet (as much as I didn’t admit it to him at the time). I really do enjoy the fact that he’s out there able to enjoy himself on the occasion. I wish it were more, sure, but I understand that life interferes, as do people and their times, so what can we do but sit back and take what we’re given?

I saw Biz about two weeks ago, just before Christmas. It was pleasant. We went out for once, to a sex shop here in my city and roamed around talking about the toys that we have or would get for our spouses. It was a fun time to say the least, as I would stand there listening to him talk about his wife and a certain toy only to imagine myself getting used by it. We didn’t buy anything, but I bet it would have been a great time if we splurged and fucked around in the car afterward! I have no idea if and when I’ll see him again, but hey, such is the nature of the Affair Beast. I do hope he finds himself a ‘friend’ locally in his area, someone that can sate his needs since I can’t.

Speaking of a friend: I’ve had a conversation or a few with a local fella. I’ll call him The Architect. He’s married though, and not in an open relationship. Part of me really wishes I would find a single guy that wouldn’t mind seeing a married lady once in a blue moon; that way I won’t have the guilt building up thinking that I’m doing her wrong. We haven’t met yet, but we’ve been texting about how we would like to meet up soon and see how we hit it off. Also, out of the blue, I find myself talking to… dun duh DUUUHHH… a 23 year old! OH MY GOD, what is wrong with me, talking to younger men!? ANd this one has been married all of three weeks (lol), and their relationship is long distance, as she’s out on the west coast and he’s stationed here. He’s from here, and she’s not, but yeah. I talked to him on the phone for the first time tonight, and apparently calmed him down a lot because he was in a jealous rage about the fact she admitted she was seeing this one guy out in her stationed state. Meanwhile, I’m trying to talk sense into him about the fact that he’s married and talking to another married woman, and albeit just “friends” he’s looking for, NO one on Plenty of Fish is looking for just friends, lol.

I might meet him for lunch tomorrow. We’ll see.

I’ve not seen the Doctor, but I did ask him if he wanted to meet for custard some time. He’s out of the area, so scratch any of that idea. Part of me misses what I had with him (that flirty kind of “friendship”) yet part of me wants to still tell him to fuck off. He never did anything specifically wrong aside from just be a fake individual, but what does one expect from someone hiding in their own life.

I wish some of you readers were more local! I’d come kick it with you, and enjoy ringing in the new year with people of like minds and interests. Maybe I’ll ring it in alone, at home, with my almost-two-year old sleeping, and watching American Horror Story, episode 9 with my mother-in-law.

Or maybe I’ll be lucky enough to get wasted somewhere and not remember a thing.

 

Miss you all.

 

Bisous!

I miss you!

My loyal readers! Happy Holidays and all that jazz. I believe I will be back soon! I appreciate your patience.

Holy shit…

It’s been a while!

Sorry for the massive delay — school is getting hectic, holidays are coming (I only do Thanksgiving, so I might post a lot over Christmas), and we’re winding down the semester.

No interesting tales to share. Came into contact with a cute guy who works in the construction industry, but I don’t know what’s going to happen with him. One day we were doing great, next day and five days later, I’ve heard really nothing from him. I’m thinking he’s moved on, and that’s all right with me. People come in and out of our lives for whatever reasons, and I suppose he’s left his print without printing more, and we won’t dwell on the more informative curiosities.

Got a call from The Businessman last night. He found himself a local play toy and I think that’s hot! He met with her this morning and from what he’s told me, she has a warm, lush little pussy that his fingers explored and a hot little mouth that took and swallowed his cum. Lucky little whore — if she only knew! Am I jealous? Not in the least bit, but envious? Absolutely. Fine line, I know, haha. His stories though, fuck…turned me on insanely. He showed me an excerpt from one of their emails and I was practically writhing in lecture today. Talk about horny. Ugh.

Not definite, but he might be out this way in just a few short weeks. I hope so, because this pussy now has competition and will work to show him which is better. LOL

I love being female.

During our conversation yesterday he told me that it felt almost like he was cheating on me, and that it was more like cheating on me than it was with his own wife. Finally he knows what I mean! Ha! God, that’s been one of the weakest parts about me seeking out a FWB, for I’d feel like — as I’ve stated in the past — doing a disservice to him! But now I feel more comfortable, confident, and adventurous. Maybe I’ll let one fall into my lap.

Hrm… Craigslist, you’re looking rather tempting. If only the douchebags on Ashley Madison were worth the time. Most of them are old and grandfatherly. I’m so not into that.

I miss all of you, my lovely readers! Hopefully we’ll start touching base soon!

Until then, safe holidays to all of you.

Bisous!

Mic check.

Whatever the hell that really means…

You’re obviously paying attention if you read my blog to start with.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I’ve thought about posting every day for the past week or so. Unfortunately I just don’t seem to have the time, but you’re all well aware as to why (kid, family, nursing school). I ended up failing (got a 72) my last nursing exam, so it’s put me on a borderline passing grade of a 77 (a 75 and under is failing). I have five weeks, two tests, and a final left until class is over. Done. Fin. That is, until January when I’m hopefully starting the last leg to becoming that naughty nurse with the official title of RN. Otherwise, back to semester three and more med-surg and bullshit.

On top of that, I have been incredibly horny lately. I sent my mother-in-law out yesterday on some errands while my son napped, and took advantage of the quiet house and my husband. We haven’t had sex that incredible since probably shortly after he was either born, or somewhere long before his conception. It was wonderful to be able to loss all inhibitions, drop the pillow from my face and let loose.

About me: I cannot, CANNOT, enjoy sex if I’m quiet. There are times when it’s absolutely hot and you’re doing it to keep from getting caught or whatever other sexy circumstances are, but see, my MIL lives with us and she’s constantly asking things at the wrong time, knocking on our door, or our kid starts crying for whatever reason. And then when the house IS quiet, it’s long after 11pm, I’m exhausted, and I just lose interest.

But god, if my husband and I could have sex like that more often, I think it would improve our marriage completely. Sex, oddly being that we’re open, is probably one of the biggest hang-ups we have, and it’s really because of his mother here. But we can’t throw her out, and she comes in handy as a built-in Nanny.

But fuck, he had my face buried into the mattress, my hands held behind me as he grasped onto them, pulling my body in and against his as we fucked. I came repeatedly, blissfully. I haven’t had an orgasmic state of mind like that since the second to last visit with the Businessman. Maybe even the time before that! It was certainly nice. I made mention to a group of women that I had incredible sex and they cheered me on. The cheer got even louder when I said, “and it was even with my own husband!”  You know your life is odd when your friends are as easily amused by yours sexual adventures and open marriage as you are.

Maybe my state of horniness is due to my cycle and my monthly visitor coming soon — what with the influx of hormones and all. Maybe it’s because I like to sit there and read through craigslist classifieds, amusing myself with people’s posts yet secretly wishing they were banging me in that dark alley way with anonymous unprotected sex (in a land without STDs and pregnancy!). Maybe because my mind is in Fight or Flight mode, and is struggling with survival from school and sex is the only thing to cure both appetite and solve dilemmas to everyday nursing questions!

Another thing is lately, while masturbating, I’ve really been thinking about a warm, moist mouth wrapped about the pert bud of a nipple and suckling. I’m still breastfeeding, although very few times throughout the day…but the idea, the thought of someone enjoying my tit (with or without milk release, I don’t care about that) has been driving me wild. I miss my breasts played with sexually. It’s been what feels like a very long time since they’ve had adequate attention.

In fact, I’m really craving foreplay right now, and I don’t mean my giving. I want to be greedy and take, take, take what I can get that’s being given and then some.

I blame you, Coco. What with your talk about eating pussy in motor vehicles and savoring young women bits! And you haven’t made mention to me about you and your friend in days, so I can ONLY imagine! Just know those words play through my mind and are provocative in thought, alluring, and I live vicariously through your tales.

You men out there — what’s your take on foreplay? Are you a generous giver, or are you a greedy taker? I’m typically very generous, but I’m tired for once for giving. I want, want, want what I never seem to get much of anymore at all.

Maybe I’ll post a CL ad seeking just that.

The Art of Being Stood Up.

You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been stood up. At least, not until today. And the part that amuses me — it wasn’t even for a hook up. Just a sit down meet and greet with a businessman who has been in the city for a week and was flying out today. He said he should be able to meet, and that he was finishing up some work. Instead of going home, I took to the hotel he was at and sat in their bar drinking and studying. Told him when he was ready to head on over, that I was there.

Perhaps my showing up to a public place where he was near-by after he agreed to get an afternoon drink was intimidating? I wasn’t about to go seek him out, nor was I stalking him. Perhaps he saw me as I went to my car to feed the meter some change and decided “You know what? She’s not even attractive enough to interact with, so fuck that, I’m going to slip out unannounced and leave her to her books.”

Well, I have to say, it came in handy. I had a spectacularly good study session today as I have a huge exam on Monday. But now I sit at home and he’s already in the air, and I cannot help but wonder — why did he stand me up?

I sent him a cordial email asking so, even. I’m not angry by any means. I’m not upset, either. Did part of my ego blow? Yeah, you could say that, but there’s no sense in me getting worked up about it.

I think I’m losing my kick here people. What happened? Did I let myself go? Are people losing their attraction to me? It’s not Mister Public-Health I’m referring to, but a variation of instances that are just piling atop one another.

On top of that, I haven’t heard from the Businessman in over a week. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong, and that he’s just insanely busy due to multiple travel destinations this month…but now my brain has turned into that sad panda that just seeks to blame everything on herself without any explanation. Usually I get at least two emails a week, and this week I sent two and no replies. I hope he’s okay!

Ahhhh, my brain, my brain! What happened?

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Hello?

What am I doing wrong here?!

Now I’m beginning to understand…

So the Scientist, thankfully, isn’t looking to knock boots. He’s vague in what he wants, but that may largely be due to the fact that he doesn’t know what he wants. And who really does? Maybe he has the 7 year itch.

Says he’s never had intercourse outside of his marriage, but has fooled around I’m taking?

Anyway, the point of this post is that I can continue with my happy little self while maintaining other people’s innocence. The Businessman isn’t innocent, and never was even prior to meeting me. So I cannot say that I’m corrupting HIM any.

On a different note, I joined a gym today. Goal weight loss: 50 pounds. If Biz comes out this way in December, I wonder if he’ll notice!

I can’t help but be fascinated.

So I’ve been perusing the strictly platonic section of craigslist lately. Lately meaning, one night and replied to two people. I’m gangsta, no?

One of which brings me to The Scientist. I met with him last night and wandered around the streets shooting the shit. I like him; funny guy, incredible tales regarding his life and growing up, and various other aspects of his personality that were a bonus. We met under the pretense of friends, you know…strictly platonic and all, and it went just that direction. After about 3 hours of bullshitting, I finally had to go (sick kid at home still) and we parted ways with tentative plans to future hangouts.

So this one is married, no kids, happy with his wife (who is drop dead gorgeous might I add!) and his life for the most part. Undertones blossomed later in the night in text, and lo and behold, he’s curious with what I thought of him, and what I would do with him.

I’ll be honest and say that I certainly did not expect that.

Now what would you do if you were me? Would you look further into seeing what you can do to this innocent young man to corrupt him, or would you let him keep his happiness (which must not be all that happy if he’s seeking elsewhere — this opinion comes from experience) and maintain his chaste and faithful attitude? To some, he’s already cheating if he’s even thinking about trying new grounds of another woman, but to me he hasn’t yet made that jump.

Although it’s nice to know that I still have some of that leftover summer spark that caught the Businessman’s attention, and a few others as well (I wonder how that Doctor is doing! I find myself missing his shenanigans). And it amuses me that my personality can attract someone in plain day jeans (I need to invest in a belt, they kept slipping past my hips and I was trying so hard to hold them up, lol)  and a t-shirt covered by a sweater.

We all know that I debate on what I should do at times. We all know I wonder what would happen were someone to just fall into my lap so to speak. I’ll be honest and say that one of the main reasons I’ve really held back with talking to anyone is because I don’t want my dynamics to change with Biz. We’re nothing exclusive, I’m not his girlfriend, I’m just a travel-FWB for when he’s in town, yet part of me feels like I’d be cheating on him if I were to play around locally. Ha! And what regards do I hold for my husband then? None. I respect him if he says no, but I’m free to do whomever I please so long as I use my better judgment. So am I really stuck on Biz that I feel like I’d be short-changing him? Who is to say he doesn’t chat with others and may have potential future fun-dates? True that we’ve stated we’d be truthful to each other if another partner came into the picture (more for safety standards), and I know that he reads this so I’m not hiding anything from him…I just wouldn’t want and don’t want anything to change of our ‘relationship’ as it is now if I sought the company of another.

Like — don’t stop the sex plzkthx. Because fuck, that man is amazing in bed, and I’m not trying to feed his ego here. He is amazing.

Biz — you are amazing in bed. Haha. Can I emphasize that any stronger? Sure.

AMAZING!

Anyway, I’ve got some thinking to do, some contemplation… Some moral obligations to uphold for other individuals…

Is it wrong that I say this amuses me?

My apologies.

As I’m sure many of you have noticed, I’ve retired the TGIF panty shots. Why? Scheduling really. And my self-esteem plummeted during the month of September that I really lost that desire. However, I am thinking of continuing, but only focusing around the major holidays. Ha. We’ll see. That extra weight I gained put my ass in a new perspective, so hopefully I’ll lose what I just put on and then some.

I find myself increasingly horny as the month of October rolls by. I love fall; the trees changing (I miss the east coast and the vibrant colors!), the crisp feeling in the air, the pumpkin-everything, the color orange, Halloween, etc. I love making hearty soups and stews, chilis, and just indulging in things that I don’t find I want during the summer months. I fantasize about taking a stroll with someone into the wood, only to end up fucking while surrounded by the cool breeze against naked skin, the shining sun in the thinning layer of atmosphere, and all those spectacular colors. Might make for some good erotica, too. Hrm. (Oh, and, any takers? )

School is chugging along. It’s halfway through 3rd semester and my ass is hanging on by a thread; a passing thread, but still, I can feel the friction on my skin!

I’ve been questioning lately my own motives with people. As in, should I continue even glancing at others with the wonder of whether or not we’d ‘click’ in the bedroom as well as outside, or if I should just give it up? i haven’t even been looking in all honesty, either. But if I were to let my eyes wander, if I were to allow myself to look, would I wish to partake as well? That’s truly where my questions lie.

Sure, I happily have the Businessman when he’s around, but we’ve all heard me make mention that he’s only temporary. Truly temporary. And we live such separate lives in separate states. I’ve found not that there’s been distance put between us, but that there’s been our own lives interfering with any chance to talk. Our emails used to be practically daily! Ha. And then some, in fact! Boy I’ve contemplated putting up examples of what we’ve said to one another — they still get me hot and bothered when I read over them. That man certainly knows how to put words into context and soak my panties, even at a distance of 900 miles away. But now we don’t even really email at all. Do I miss it? Absolutely. But no one here is at fault, nor is this me pleading to get more attention again (I know he reads this. ). Insanely busy doesn’t cut the description of our lives — his with work and family, mine with school. Plus, I mean, c’mon, he’s having an affair and I’m enabling it by putting out and letting him take me when he beckons (and would do so for many, many years to come if allowed! lol).

Would finding someone like him locally make me more entertaining? Or entertained? Do I really want to chance that? I certainly do like what I have between him and my husband… if only I could use his cock when I wanted it. Like. Right now.

Right now.

Silly physics.

Plus, I never think I’ll find a true answer to any of these questions. I’ve been questioning my motives since I met him, and since I ever came up with the idea of finding a FWB. This open relationship shit is…fuck, confusing? Especially when at times I think I secretly want a boyfriend. But good lord, I don’t have the patience to put forth that kind of effort!

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve turned boring now that school has started, and that’s the reason why some people have stopped conversing with me (not referring to Biz, btw)! I feel like I turned into a whining, bitching machine about nursing and how much harder this semester is. I’ve turned robotic; a drone in the day-in-day-out scenario. God I can’t wait to get ‘me’ back again. I had such a spark over the summer, and hopefully I re-find that soon! I’m boring myself!

And probably now boring you, too.

Bisous.

Awkward.

That’s a great word to sum up my mindframe. I feel awkward. I don’t want to delve into what makes me feel awkward, and despite this being a blog and having the ability to share my inner most deepest thoughts, I shall refrain. But I will share with my readers that today I’m feeling guilty, but of what I am unaware, which leads me more into the emotion of awkwardness. Something inside me feels as if I’ve done something negative, that the reactions formed towards me have changed but I cannot pinpoint a reason to where it would stem, or why. I wish I could shake it, really. I’ve been working on it the past few days (sometimes it can flurry back to a few weeks), but the thoughts and emotions sit there, stagnant, at about the same level as my esophagus. So every time I swallow, I’m subconscious and consciously reminded that perhaps things just aren’t the same. And there’s a good chance that they never will be.

Maybe I’m running on little sleep. My kiddo has some serious molars coming in and has been running nightly fevers for the past two days, and has been irritable as all hell. In fact, I saw the Businessman (albeit briefly) the other night and was requested by my mother-in-law nonchalantly to come home, as she was concerned of his reactions. Glad I figured it out before having to take that trip to the pediatricians. Unfortunately that made my night cut short, which really interrupted my chance for some sleep for once!

Perhaps I need to work on my finesse. Perhaps I need to figure out how to get back that level of steam I had, and go powerfully rather than the chug-chug-chug I’ve managed to just barely accomplish since school started back up in August.

Things are changing. Things have changed. It kind of makes me sad but I cannot say that it wasn’t fully unexpected.

I wonder how the Doctor is doing…

Why me?

Rather, why does it have to be just my ass you all get to enjoy?

I’m not in a funk, but more of a slump. I think I’ve gained five pounds last month and I just don’t feel that sexy spark I had over the summer. I’ve played with the notion that maybe I’m bipolar, but in the end, I really don’t think so. Everyone has characteristics, right? I think I’m just human, and I think I really need to get my thyroid levels rechecked. Hashimoto’s will do a doozy if I’m not careful. Anyway, this is beside the point of this blog post today. I feel that you’ve all been short-changed, so here, not me but at least it’s something worth looking at! In my opinion at least.

I think she’s hot. Rawr.